Most of us have heard some version of “Social Media/Twitter is like a Cocktail Party” and while this is hardly a new meme, a party is not a party is not a party and social media is not community – even though it may share many of the same characteristics.  To me it is like saying a cocktail party is not a dinner party – most people would agree.  I like both as an individual but one represents my circle of acquaintances and the other represents people with whom I have more intimate relationships. For business, that is very similar to a marketing funnel – and depending on what type of business you are in, one may be more important than the other. In particular, if you are marketing to businesses rather than individuals, the deeper relationships engendered by “dinner parties” are critical to your marketing efforts.

There are a few characteristics of a good dinner party that make it special and different:

• The food and wine are typically more elaborate and sophisticated
• Your attention is focused on a small set of guests all evening
• The music is mellow to allow for in-depth conversations
• Guests are introduced to other people they are likely to enjoy meeting
• The host or hostess mixes things up, ensures the conversation keeps moving, and draws out their guests
• The host put out their best dinnerware

Done well, the host of a dinner party makes their guests feel welcome, comfortable, interesting, and desirable. It is a pretty good ‘tool’ for establishing closer relationships with people and making them want to stay friends with you.

What can businesses learn? Sure, throw a lot of cocktail parties (i.e. use social media tools), you have to get your name out and chat with the crowd… but make sure you also throw some fabulous dinner parties – or get invited to them – because those are the events that allow you to have a richer conversation. Niche communities are where people will trust each other, participate in deeper conversations about their needs, and really get to know you. Setting up a community to serve the same purpose as a dinner party requires:

• An appealing location (even if that location is virtual) that encourages conversation and connections
• Good content that will encourage the conversations you want the group to have
• A community manager who facilitates introductions, highlights content, and keeps the conversation going
• Participation of experts and thought leaders that people want to meet
• Something special that members can’t get anywhere else

You can throw the dinner party, which may cost more but you get to decide who gets invited, or you can work on being a sought-after guest – someone that helps hosts provide good content and/or energy. But beware: It is all to easy to provide an appealing location, invite people over and assume they will form a tight knit community. But think about throwing a dinner party, having people come over and then spending the evening in another room – maybe yelling out to them every once in a while. Awkward, no? People would chit chat a little but the conversation would be stilted because there they are, sitting in your living room… waiting for you and the food, eventually leaving in disappointment and annoyance.

Communities are a phenomenal way of developing relationships with prospects and customers… but don’t think they will effortlessly develop. Want to understand them a little better? Go home and plan a dinner party.

About Rachel

Rachel Happe (@rhappe) is a Co-Founder and Principal at The Community
Roundtable and has over fifteen years of experience working with emerging technologies including enterprise social networking, ecommerce, and enterprise software applications. Prior to The Community Roundtable, Rachel served as a product executive at Mzinga,
Bitpass, & IDe.  In addition, as a technology analyst, Rachel initiated IDC’s enterprise social software practice where she wrote groundbreaking research including The Power and Passion of Organic Communities: How Technology Can Be Used to Increase Discovery, Engagement, and Productivity;  The Social Enterprise: How Social Networking Changes Everything; and U.S. Social Networking Application 2008-2012 Forecast: Enterprise Social Networking Takes Hold. Rachel started her business career at PRTM as a Business Analyst focused on helping technology companies understand and improve their product development operations. She writes at The Social Organization.