Taking Social Media to the Next Level
By: Trish Forant
You’ve had a long, exhausting week and as you’re getting ready to shut your computer down for the evening you notice you’ve got new mail. Try as you might to resist, you decide to check them out, only to realize that you’ve got a handful of requests to connect from the same person across several social media networks. An even closer look reveals they are from a guy you chatted with briefly during a Twitter chat. You don’t really know this person yet, but already he’s looking to take it to the next level. To make matters that much more awkward, there isn’t even a note attached as to who he is or why he wants to connect.
Just because you’ve connected with someone a few times on a social network, doesn’t mean you really know that person. That takes time and doesn’t always happen if you’re limited to screen time.
We All Do It Differently
Each of us uses our social networks in a way that is unique to us – one man’s right is another man’s wrong. Some people add anyone and everyone to their public Twitter account while keeping their Facebook profile private, connecting only with close friends and family. There are so many variations on how public or private we can be across social networks that it’s nearly impossible to know everyone’s individual comfort level. Sometimes we have clues showing us how open or closed someone may be to connecting, but most of the time it is a guessing game that requires us to take some chances.
Beating the Odds
If you are interested in connecting with people across social networks without looking like a bit of a cyber-stalker, consider asking them if it’s alright to reach out to them on those particular networks. Let them know why you’re interested in connecting and if you haven’t been chatting with them long enough for them to know you well, give them a little information about yourself when you ask. Ask for what you want and you just might get it.
How Soon Is Too Soon?
We’ve heard that social media is a cocktail party, so if you were at a cocktail party and you just met someone would you follow them home? Probably not. Though some people might be flattered at the gesture and even find it endearing, many might be creeped out. The same could hold true for social media. This is not to say that you can’t connect soon after meeting, but it’s probably a better idea to take some time to get to know people before you reach out to connect with them across social networks.
Perhaps a better way to connect with the people you would like to get to know better is to invite them to connect with you instead. A simple status update, with a link, letting friends and followers know that you’re interested in connecting with them on Google+ (or your network of choice) is usually all it takes to start connecting the dots.
What’s Your Motivation?
The reasons you’d like to connect across platforms should really be about building relationships and providing value. Are there benefits to this? Absolutely! Ask yourself why it is you’re connecting and be honest with yourself. Is it a numbers game or are you truly interested in getting to know the people you are reaching out to? Being authentic is an integral part of social etiquette so make sure that transitions over to your social media efforts as well.
Is there such a thing as connecting too soon? How comfortable are you in connecting with people you’ve just met? Do you connect with the same core group of people across multiple platforms or do you have a different community for each social network you’re on?
Tags: Amber Naslund, Chris Brogan, Facebook, google, intermediate, Jim Tobin, Social Media, social media etiquette, twitter
I often grapple with deciding how & how much to connect with people. You're right, we are all different and it's not always easy to gauge how someone you have never met and don't actually know, feels about connecting via multiple platforms.
I think the tips you gave Becky are really great. Thanks for sharing.
I also think we have to ask ourselves, as was mentioned in the article, "Am I connecting with this person because I want to add more people to my networks, and simply have a higher number of connections? Or because I would actually like to engage in more conversation with them?" I think we're not always honest with ourselves on this point.
For me it's a personal information issue and some media are more personal to me that others. Facebook is private and personal. Like my home ph number, you only get it if you really are a friend. Conversely, I will add anyone on Twitter as it is not a private network to me.
I love the way G+ enables granular sharing and groupings which avoids the all or nothing approach.. This can help avoid those uncomfortable situations you mention when you are not sure whether to add someone or not. Just bung 'em into an associates circle and everyone's a winner!
- Ciaran
I have LinkedIn people right as we were at a networking function but wouldn't Facebook them. Of course I might Google+ them just because so few of my contacts are on it yet!
Nancy
Twitter is more like being out at a bar or a nightclub, where you're more open to strangers striking up a conversation with you. It needs to be done in steps. Although it could be viewed as enthusiasm & perseverence that someone went through the trouble to find you on multiple platforms, most people would still find it odd & creepy.
Speaking for myself, I don't care. Add me on twitter & facebook at the same time….doesn't matter to me at all. I love connecting with new people on ANY social media avenue (need to work on my LinkedIn account though lol)
I find that people have become increasingly upset that someone whom they've only met once or twice for brief periods of time won't accept their friend requests on facebook, which is completely juvenile. I don't quite think a lot of people have reached that harmonious balance between fun & seriousness when it comes to social media & networking. I feel it's definitely courteous to ASK someone you've only met a handful of times if it'd be ok if you two connected via facebook. To me I don't see a difference between that and asking for someone’s phone number, I feel the same rules apply. And now that I'm thinking about it, facebook is actually way more personal (with all the information available to your friends on facebook) so you absolutely should ask if it's ok to connect.
Unfortunately most people have lost all ability to read peoples body language. I can't tell you how many times I see people interacting where clearly one is interested & the other isn't, and I'm sure that clueless person will still ask for a number or facebook or what have you. It's also true that motst people on the receiving end of the question will more than likely say yes, just because they don't want what could already be an akward scenario to become even MORE akward.
All in all, social media means different things to different people. A lot of it has to do with where in the world you're from, which is where your values should come from, as well as your culture, as some are more open than others. So be on the safe side and be courteous when trying to connect with someone. They have every right to not accept you, for whatever reason they choose.
Be engaging, informative & fun on social media platforms and you'll have people wanting to connect with YOU.
Hi Trish!
As I write this I'm listening to a hot new NZ band called The Adults (so if my words trail off…you'll know why: http://www.youtube.com/theadultsNZ
Thanks for posting this…I saw it tweeted earlier this ET day (from the lovely burg of Toronto) and I bookmarked it to return to later on…well, now's "later on." Yes…where were we?
Here's something right out of the playbook prominent marketer-cum-media maven Mitch Joel's (@mitchjoel's): I consider everything I do online — from the minutest of emails to status updates to all my other social media activity on all prominent SM platforms — to be 100% public information.
I consider this to be the case even if I tweak the privacy settings to my benefit…
That way I don't worry what I need to protect and what doesn't need protecting. I don't say anything or post snaps or do anything which is potentially compromising to my professional reputation or that gets too, er…"personal."
And it's not much of a sacrifice to make, ideally. Just be discreet. Just have respect. Just do good. Be a good human online, never forgetting that the folks at the other end of the line — on the other keyboard or *glass input device — are real protein forms with ambitions and expectations just like yours.
I completely accept it I extend a, say, Facebook invite, to someone and they reply (and it happens often) that FB is only for family and friends, not strange colleagues. It's a prerogative they can take, and that's the whole idea. I think it's strange…as if the traffic at FB is actually "theirs." Or as if they've got some sort of ability to remain anonymous on FB, but I digress…
Personally, the more people who join my Wall (now numbering over 4,300 Friends) — curated, of course, they have to know other people on my page before I accept invitations or have a compelling reason for me to add (eg. they heard me deliver a public speech somewhere) — the wider I can cast the discussion net, which is what SM Is all about anyways. Isn't it? It's not about these independent silos…at least I hope not.
Besides, that's the benefit of having these new asynchronous platforms — like G + (http:gplus.to/therealadm) — in which you don't have to follow someone just because they follow you first. If you don't like the way Facebook works — or if you're a privacy-phone, then G+ is for you — BONUS for the "Facebook is only for friends and family" crowd.
G+, as we're coming to know. combines the best of both Twitter and Facebook, and it's where I've been spending the bulk of my time lately…
All of this — both what I've said and what you've written — is reminiscent of something content guy extraordinaire CC Chapman (the book, CONTENT RULES: http://amzn.to/pyDsk7 refers to in his last "Managing the Gray" podcast: http://www.managingthegray.com/2011/04/05/manners….
I also talked about the varying short-form and long-form social media networks and which ones are more businessy than others…
Looks like we are of like minds…
Going back to listening to The Adults now…let me know, gang, if you like it.
Signed and sincerely,
–Adam Daniel Mezei in Toronto <a href="http://www.adamdanielmezei.com” target=”_blank”> <a href="http://www.adamdanielmezei.com” target=”_blank”>www.adamdanielmezei.com
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