It’s Presidents Day, that time of year when Americans fly back home to solemnly commemorate to Franklin Pierce, Rutherford B. Hayes, and Gerald Ford with their families. Or at least that’s my confused understanding as a Canadian.

What I do know for a fact is that after a respectable rest US Presidents come back to life as social networks. Let me initiate you into the secrets.

Geocities — George Washington

Social media was brought into existence through the exertions of many Founding Fathers, but the first social network to win the popular vote was Geocities. Its citizens may have been proud members of different colonies like “Colosseum,” “Hollywood,” and”RodeoDrive”, but they were brought together under the GeoCities flag.  When Geocities and its wooden teeth were laid to rest on October 27, 2009, the nation mourned.

Google Buzz — William Henry Harrison

William Henry Harrison was sworn in on March 4, 1841, delivered a two-hour inaugural address in the pouring rain and died of pneuomonia exactly 30 days, 12 hours and 30 minutes later. Google Buzz lasted only a little longer, shutting down after less than two years. Yet William Henry Harrison’s grandson Benjamin later became President, and Buzz lived long enough to see its own grandson rise to prominence.

Google+ — William Howard Taft

William Howard Taft was the only US President to also serve as the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. But he is more famous for being extremely “big-boned”: an enormous 330 lbs. Legend has it the President got stuck in the White House bathtub; four attendants and a gallon of butter were pressed into service to dislodge him. Google’s own size and expertise in other areas like search and advertising make it quite as formidable.

Twitter — Calvin Coolidge

The laconic Calvin Coolidge kept himself to statements of 140 characters or less — but he also gave an astounding 529 press conferences, more than any other president. Biographer Claude M. Fuess may well have been describing Twitter when he wrote of Coolidge, “He embodied the spirit and hopes of the middle class, could interpret their longings and express their opinions. That he did represent the genius of the average is the most convincing proof of his strength.”

Facebook — Franklin D. Roosevelt

No President will ever create a timeline longer than FDR’s 12 years in office — and no social network has enjoyed anything like Facebook’s lengthy dominance. Roosevelt’s expansion of the power and reach of government may have been controversial, but the working class was grateful to FDR for food on the table. Fellow New Yorker Zuckerberg’s own New Deal has inspired protests too, but the masses would not long survive without the social media provisions Facebook offers.

Pinterest — John F. Kennedy

Suave, attractive, and an eye for the ladies? Is this JFK we’re talking about … or Pinterest? Both swept away the dull and dowdy and ushered in a new era of youth, glamour and fashion. Nixon may have won over radio listeners — but Kennedy demonstrated the triumph of the visual when TV viewers voted him the debate winner. While other networks looked at things that were and asked, “Why?”, Pinterest looked at things that never were and asked, “Why not?”

Which President would LinkedIn have been? And what about an apt Millard Fillmore comparison for my cocktail party tonight? Let us know in the comments or via Twitter.

Tags: Facebook, geocities, google, Google Buzz, google plus, Pinterest, twitter